By Sharon Muza, BS, CD(DONA), BDT(DONA), LCCE, FACCE, CLE
I totally understand the excitement and desire to be a successful and busy (as busy as you want to be) birth or postpartum doula. I distinctly remember my first year or so as I began to build my business. I had a strong longing to have clients on my books. I wondered how would people know about my services? How can I get the word out there and let *every* pregnant person know that I was a doula and they should hire (or at least interview) me!
Some colleagues suggested that I carry my business cards everywhere I went and consistently hand them out to every pregnant person I see. The pregnant people in the grocery store. The pregnant people at the library. Definitely the pregnant people at my children’s school events. Certainly the pregnant people at the gym.
I was supposed to walk up to pregnant people I didn’t know wherever I went, start a conversation about their pregnancy and let them know that I was a doula and share that they might want to consider my services for their upcoming birth as I hand them my business card. This little marketing trick is called “warm chatting.” I still see and read this suggestion on various blogs and social media forums, and hear about it in doula trainings presented by many different doula organizations. Doulas are told that this is a good option for finding birth or postpartum clients.
Do not be a “warm chatter”
To be honest, I can not think of a less appropriate method of finding clients. Here are my top five reasons why a doula should never do this.
- The person in question may not even be pregnant. People come in all different shapes and sizes. Face it, sometimes those body shapes look pregnant when they are not. I can tell you from personal experience, that no one wants to say, “thanks, but, I am not pregnant.”
- Being pregnant is a very public condition. Everyone feels that they can approach pregnant people in public and ask questions and give advice, and this is a total disregard for people’s privacy. The last thing a pregnant person wants to do is receive unsolicited advice or information from a stranger.
- This may be an unplanned or even unwanted pregnancy. 50% of pregnancies in the United States are not planned. This person may be struggling with the very idea having this child, concerned about finances or worried about the relationship of the other parent. They may be choosing not to parent this child. They do not need a stranger making small talk about the upcoming event.
- The baby may not be healthy, may not survive, or there may be complications. The pregnant person could be very worried about the health of the baby and may be waiting for confirmation of test results. They could be grieving some news about this baby. Being approached by a stranger to discuss their professional services out of the blue is completely inappropriate.
- This could be a rainbow baby. A previous loss (miscarriage, stillbirth or after birth) may be part of the pregnant person’s history. Discussing the current pregnancy may bring up emotions, fears, and thoughts about their previous experience or this pregnancy or both. They may want to avoid discussing the topic with a stranger when it makes them emotional and teary.
What you can do instead to find clients
- Get a t-shirt or jacket made up with your logo and/or your website. Wear it all around town. People will see it and if they want to approach you to inquire, they will.
- Make yourself available to conduct short info sessions for local community groups. When invited, take that opportunity to share what a doula is and what the benefits are. Pass your business cards out to everyone there.
- Ask local childbirth educators if you can help them in their childbirth classes. Families will get to know you and your services in a no-stress environment.
- Submit a short story about your services to community newspapers and blogs. People are always looking for free content for their sites. You can share information about your services, interview some satisfied clients or provide a humorous anecdote.
- Make yourself available to back up other local doulas. You will build relationships and you will be the first person they think of when they cannot serve a client.
Conclusion
Warm chatting is never a good idea when you are looking to find clients who need your doula services. It is invasive, it assumes way too much about a complete stranger and to be frank, it can be downright rude. No one faults you for wanting to build your business, get clients and create a sustainable career for yourself. Those are admirable goals. But please, consider more appropriate actions before walking up to a complete stranger in the store and starting up a conversation about their reproductive situation.
Do you have any other suggestions that have been effective at building your business and finding clients? Please share it in the comments below.
Thanks for sharing this and I heartily agree. I am just starting my training and research to become a doula. I used to be a B&B owner and one time I asked a guest when her baby was due and she wasn’t pregnant. It was one of the most embarrassing moments in my life!!! I work at a marketing agency now and Sharon’s alternative ideas are much better.
Thank you for writing this article. I too have read about “warm chatting” but haven’t been able to approach potential clients (a pregnant woman who doesn’t know me) because it never felt right or ok. Thanks for clearly stating the reasons why and giving suggestions as to how to more appropriately market myself. I really appreciated this content.
As always, a wonderful post, Sharon! I find the idea of warm-chatting forced and anxiety-producing, and really appreciate the permission to NOT do it. I also find that people received your message best when they are actually ready to receive it. If a person is not looking for a doula, or even know what a doula is, that is quite a lot of heavy lifting to be done on the spot by a complete stranger!
100% agree with this Sharon. I have never done this “ warm chatting “.
When we moved to a new city, I was shopping when this woman approached me and started chatting. This is a small town, and I figured I looked out of place, and sure enough, she guessed I was new to town. She had a small child with her, as did I. Inside I thought, “Wow! People are so friendly here! What a nice feeling!” As we talked for a few seconds more, she then introduced her church to me — business card at the ready; I felt devastated. She had no real interest in me as a person and she simply wanted to invite me to her church. I took the card, and it immediately met the inside of the nearest trash can. What a downer!
I totally agree! Great you named it.
I had never heard of ” warm chatting”, but first my conscious wouldn’t let me do that and second I’m kinda shy so that would kill me.
Thanks for a good article
Excellent article and excellent, authentic alternatives to the vampiric warm chatting strategy. Thank you!
I couldn’t agree more. If a stranger had walked up to me and tried to “warm chat” about my pregnancy, I’d have run as fast as I could in the opposite direction.
Thank you so much for writing this piece. I’ve never felt comfortable doing this for all the reasons above and all the reasons commented below, and I always felt as if I was failing in some way. Thank you for making it ok!
Excellent suggestions.
It’s embarrassing that doulas are getting known to do this to pregnant people. I’m proud DONA is condemning this aggressive multi level marketing technique. It’s really creepy doulas are told to do this by doula certifying businesses.
Invading a pregnant strangers space to sell them something is categorically the most obnoxious behaviour. I know how that feels since it’s the same as that Mary Kay saleswoman who tried to convince me in a Walgreens makeup aisle to go to her makeup party. I had no idea what that stranger wanted from me!
Thanks a lot for sharing this. Now i know better …
Another point on this could be that they just had a baby/ or a loss which could majorly impact hoe they are holding themselves together and could trigger another huge loss in the lerson in questions life.